March 24, 2009

The blog path?  No.  The blog journey!  Yes!  That’s much better.  The blog journey.  I’ve blogged since 2005.  Not this one though.  This is my 3rd blog.  My first blog is still in the blogosphere.  I’d actually have to look it up to remember the domain.  I think it’s www.standingongrace.blogspot.com.  But that’s not what it started out to be.  Anyway that’s not the point.  The point is I like writing down my thoughts.  But after nearly 3 1/2 years of blogging I’m thinking I don’t love having an audience…or lack of (I just mean writing knowing someone—anyone—may read it.

I don’t mind people reading my blogs… it’s just the pressure.  The pressure that says, “I must write really good so lots of people will read and comment.”  When really I’d rather just write down my thoughts and not think about the reader.  But should I think about the reader?  And my answer is YES!  Because… well this is a public site..  What I can and say will be held against me…

Who knows.  Maybe I should go back to pen and paper and private.  Just between me.  Me and God.  Me and whom ever may read it in the future when I’m dead or in the now when they are breaching my privacy.  My mom once did that in high school.  I think she still regrets it…I know I still regret every word I wrote down.  What a day that was…

So.  I think I’m calling my blogging days to an end.  I like blogging but I think it’s run it’s course.  I know this is the right decision because I feel good.  So good I can’t wait till I’m done with this post.  To be done with blogging forever.

Forever.

bye.

Sickness March 6, 2009

What’s new in our house?  Last week my son had a runny nose—the entire week.  But no other symptoms.  My husband came down with something for a few days.  Then Friday my daughter gets sick.  Saturday night she’s running a temperature that lasts till Sunday night.  I keep her home from school on Monday.  All day Monday she’s fine.  She goes to school Tuesday and Wednesday.  

Wednesday I’m fine but by Wednesday night I’m down for the count.  All night I have chills one moment sweating the next.  On top of that my daughter starts coughing every 20 seconds it seemed.  Thursday day we spend on the couch watching Disney movies and sleeping.  Thursday night, late, my daughter starts crying with ear pain.  (Husband and son are doing better by the way…for now).  For the second night in a row me and her sleep in my bed while the boys sleep in another room.  I down some night time meds and give her some ibuprofen and a hot pad for her ear.  

 

It’s now Friday morning.  After sweating every last drop of fluid out of my body last night I’m feeling a little better.  No fever, no chills, and even better no body or head aches.  My daughter’s ear hurts still but only when she coughs.  I’m really hoping I’m actually doing better.  If so I can get back on my running schedule in no time.  :)  But we’ll see.  I’m hoping that me and my daughter are better and that my son and husband don’t get what we got…  or maybe  we got what they had… who knows.  

 

In other news, God willing, if all goes well, my husband and I are running in our first 5K next weekend.  Oh and my mom and dad are coming home early from Arizona!!

Late Night Ramblings. February 28, 2009

What a month February was. Nothing huge.  My life is pretty much drama free.  Just blah.  Spiritually I’m in a pit.  Or a dry wasteland take your pick.  Emotionally I’m  anxious.  I really think it’s weather related.  I don’t handle the gray and rain aka Oregon like I used to.  I used to pride myself with being a true webbed foot (NOT duck lover though) rain loving Oregonian.  But now… I’m not so sure.   

 

Actually I love Oregon.  It’s b-e-a-utiful.  I just need the lifestyle where I can take a tropical vacation every winter.  Then I’ll be fine.  Ha.  Really though in the real life scheme of things I can’t complain.  I SHOULDN’T complain.  Like I said, my life is drama free.  The only drama my life has is because I make it, or create it.  I whine or get depressed or make a mountain out of a mole hill.  I get all worked up over seemingly little things.  

 

There are those out there who are going through real stuff.  Real s*%t.  Dare I say a bad word??  Really they are.  I just read a blog, one I read regularly, and her husband’s cancer…has came back…again.  Makes me sad.  I don’t even know these people and I grieve for them.   And I pray.  Say what you will about online “relationships” or “connections” but the feelings and prayers prayed are real even for complete strangers.  The internet can sometimes shallow relationships but it can also reach out and connect those who other wise would never be connected.  I like that.

 

I like being able to pray for a woman I don’t even know to be comforted by the hand of God.  I like being able to pray for kids who have cancer.  Or be encouraged to work harder, run harder, live better by those on similar journeys.  I like to connect with gals I went to highschool with I haven’t seen for year.  I like being able to “chat” with people on my time, and my schedule.  And I don’t have to say hold on every five seconds because my kids need me.  Oh but I digress… a rabbit trail I could wander off on for sure.  

 

Anyway March is here.  I look back at 2006.  March was a BAD month.  So bad I still remember (January was bad that year too).  But March this year is going to be better.  I just have a feeling.

Oh the excitement that is my life February 23, 2009

Here it is Sunday and once again it’s been 4 days since I posted last.  My life really isn’t that exciting.  But it has been more productive lately because of ‘The Schedule” (see last post).  I have followed pretty well and I must admit my husband had a good idea.  Poor guy’s had this idea for about the last 8 years it’s just now that I’ve embraced it.  

 

Also this week I’ve run a little over 9 miles which is a record for me.  I’ve been working out like a mad woman trying to make up for last week.  I don’t know if it’s working because I tend to eat like a mad woman too.  What can I say?  I like food.  I don’t think I’ll gain this week but I’m not sure I’ll lose.  Well I may lose but I wanted to lose what I gained last week and then a little bit more and I’m not sure if that’ll happen.  

 

In other news… our life will be changing soon.  We are thinking we’re bringing my daughter home and finishing out the school home schooling.  She’s only in Kindergarten.  Should know this week sometime.  So there go my day runs.  I plan to keep me and her active but I’ll just have to run in the morning (pshhh) or in the evenings on the dreaded treadmill.  But I plan on doing some walking and bike riding with my little girl.  It should be some sweet mommy daughter time.

 

Until next time.  I have to now yield my computer to my daughter so she can play nick.com.  :)

Mental Strength—Pulling out the “umph”! February 18, 2009

The last 3 days have been a hard lesson in mental strength for me.  Since starting running last June I thought I’d gained some mental toughness.  I sure did need it to push me through every run, some more than others.  And I’m sure I have gained some—in fact I know I have. But since Sunday I’ve learned I haven’t been applying that mental strength to the other areas of my life.

 

The current poor economy is hitting many.  And Sunday the reality of it came down on me.   So far, praise God, my husband still has his job.  It’s just that I feel trapped financially.  Options are few and money’s tight.  And the point of this post isn’t to go into detail about finances but actually what I did with the panic.  I got so uptight and nervous, so filled with anxiety that I got sick to my stomach.  Oh yah and I ate like it was going out of style.

 

Then Monday rolled around and I did OK.  I bounced back a little.  I even ran 2.6 miles.  But today was a different story.  Today I weighed in and gained 1.5 pounds.  Not only that but my husband made me a little daily schedule to try and follow.  That schedule along with 2 other responsibilities lurking in the back of my mind, and a certain decision weighing heavy on my shoulders sent me down a path I haven’t been on for about 3 years (let’s just say I have struggled with anxiety and depression in the past).  Oh yah and I ate like it was going out of style.  

 

When my sweet husband came home we talked.  Basically he told me I wasn’t giving up.  Tomorrow’s a new week and I’ll overcome and next Tuesday I’ll be so proud of myself.  And that this whole 1.5 pound gain will turn out to be a good thing.  I’ll show myself I can do it despite setbacks.  Then he pointed out that I went into a tailspin because a little daily responsibility was put on my plate (the little schedule he gave me) and that I have to push through that.  That I need that schedule so that at the end of every day I can look at what I accomplished and feel good.  

 

In short, he didn’t let me off the hook and challenged me to overcome.  I thought on that all night and I agreed.  I also realized I need to pull out that “umph” that I use when I’m half way through my run and apply it to my daily life.  The mundane, daily grind of dishes, laundry, and sweeping.  The responsibilities of being a mom, friend, wife, church member, and human being. I realized my anxiety comes in because I try and convince myself that shirking it is easier than seeing it through when really shirking my responsibilities hurts my soul.  

 

I’ve been learning how to use mental strength in my running…I’m now learning how to use it in my life.  As with my runs some will be good feeling days and some will be hard to push through and that’s where the mental toughness will be tested.  I don’t want a repeat of today’s anxiety attack ever again!  Ever.  Tomorrow my goal is to conquer the schedule, eat right, and get a run in—all before my kids come home from school.   I’m pulling out the “umph”!

 

Side note:  When I began running I loved it instantly.  It was hard but I could push myself through it.  I’d set a goal for a run and I’d do it.  Nothing ever really has been like that in my life.  Ever.   Usually when the going gets tough, Kelli quits.  I thought to myself, God’s allowing me to like this and pushing me through it for a reason.  I’m learning those reasons every day.  I believe my love of running is God given.  I also believe that mental toughness, for me, includes driving out fear and lies in my head with the truth of God’s word.  Not to mention a lot of “you can do it’s” and “you can’t stop” or “one foot in front of the other.”  :)

 

Disclaimer:  When I say I love to run by no means is it meant to say I’m a great runner.  I just like putting on my shoes, plugging in my iPod and pushing myself a certain distance or a certain time.  Usually 2.5-3.5 miles.   Which is always a challenge for me but I see improvement every week. 

 

OH MY GOSH I nearly forgot this ties right in with responsibility shirking.  I had signed Jake and I up for a 5K in March.  Today in my little fit I emailed the race peeps to cancel.  But they didn’t allow refunds.  Thank God!  I told you it was a bad day.

Nike + February 17, 2009

I got one for Valentine’s Day.  :)  I need to calibrate it.  I went for a run today without calibrating it and it was about 1/2 mile off.  It also said I ran way faster than I actually did.  

 

So tomorrow I weigh myself.  I don’t think it will be a good one.  I did some emotional eating this weekend.  

 

Today’s a new day.  Coming off a rough weekend (yep, even if it was V-day weekend) I need to refocus and not let the bad drag me down.  Onward, press forward.  My little run just now was a good step in the right direction.  

 

Until later…

Special Characters February 14, 2009

Lately when people ask me what I’ve been doing, there isn’t much to say.  Just life.  The norm.  Husband goes to work, kids go to school and I do my thing.  It’s not all that exciting.  Maybe that’s why I haven’t written for 4 days.  Maybe instead of waiting for the spectacular to happen and then write about it, I should look for the spectacular every day.  With a change of perspective life might become a bit more exciting.  Seem less routine and dull.  

 

For instance I finally found out how to key the em dash on my computer—see.  To me that’s spectacular.  I’ve been wondering for quite some time how to do that stinkin little symbol.  And the Apple sign “”—how cute is that?.  My life just got a bit more exciting.   So in honor of this lovey dovey holiday I leave you with this…

 

Happy Valentine’s Day ♥

Can You Handle The Goodness? February 10, 2009

Being sick this past week I wasn’t sure I was going to lose any weight–but I did–a whole pound!  What a good way to start the day.  On top of that I had a good time of prayer and Bible reading this morning (long overdue).  And on top of that we’re all healthy again and my husband never got the sickness!  And on top of that (!) it’s snowing!  I can’t handle all the goodness.  Oh wait, yes I can.

What a week February 8, 2009

It’s been one long week of sickness here. My kids first then me but it’s stretched from Monday till today. As of today all 3 of us still have leftover (runny noses, coughing, course voices) but we’re on the mend. My kids and I went on a little walk today. The fresh air and blue sky would’ve been more invigorating if my daughter didn’t whine most of the walk but it still felt good to breathe in. I haven’t ran or worked out since Tuesday night I think. Which is kind of a bummer. But can ya do?

I did get out of the house tonight with a girlfriend of mine and we went and had sushi. I love sushi!! Oh my. Everytime I have it I’m giddy afterwards for a few moments. I stuck to the cheap plates, with some miso soup. Oh and them my little rice and plum ball things after wards (which I used to know the name to but I’m having a momentary brain fart)… bliss I tell ya.

So now I’m staying up way past my bed time and blogging.

***sigh*** Here’s to a healthy week.

Sick February 6, 2009

My kids have passed the gunk to me. I’m very congested right now and tired.

I don’t know if I’ll work out tonight. I may if it doesn’t move into my chest and I have some energy. But it’s in both of my kids’ chest so I am thinking it’ll move that way.

My kids went to school today. It’s hard as a parent sometime to know when to keep them home or when to send them when their sickness is in a gray area. They’re trooper though. I sent them to school with 2 granola bars, 4 vitamins, and 2 packet of Airborn Pixies. They liked that.

Oh speaking of vitamins. Yesterday I popped in 2 vitamins not really thinking about what was in my stomach. About 5 minutes later I was feeling really sick. So I downed a 1/2 banana which did NOT work. I happened to be on the phone with my niece who was asking me all sorts of unrelated questions. I finally said, “I gotta go!” I hung up and for a split second thought do I stuff my face with bread or go throw up. I was so close to puking that I ran to the bathroom where I promptly threw up my banana, vitamins and the carrots I had ate l little earlier along with any water I had drank in the last 20 or so minutes. I don’t think I had done that since I was pregnant. It was kind of funny.

Last but not least we have a friend who is getting brain surgery today (he’s in surgery right now) for a benign tumor. Please say a prayer for him that all goes well and they get it all out.

Onward!