Always Nervous Before a Run January 29, 2009

Why is that?  Yesterday I was so nervous my heart was thumping hard.  I think well maybe it’s because I’m afraid I’ll do “bad”.  I’m afraid my legs will hurt and I’ll have to stop.  I’m afraid I’ll wimp out.  Yesterday I ran 3.1 miles and it was hard nearly the entire time.  The rest of the day I was toast.  Maybe that’s what I’m afraid of too.  Tiredness?  

 

I love the feeling of pushing through it though and coming out the other side having accomplished another challenging run.  I’m trying to apply that to all areas of my life.  This running adventure has been helpful in that aspect.  I’ve usually been one to putter out prematurely.  I think God has some life lessons He wants to teach me through running which is fine by me.  I need all the help I can get.  :)

Celebrating a Loss. January 28, 2009

I lost 1/2 pound this week.  Yay.  I really am glad for this half pound.  My game is so mental and even a smidge in the right direction keeps my spirits up.  I can’t wait to watch Biggest Loser later tonight with my man.

A couple more firsts today. January 27, 2009

Today was a fun day! I took my kids to a nearby children’s museum for the first time ever. I heard about this place when my son was just a toddler but have never gone. Today we went and had a blast. My kids so enjoyed themselves and didn’t want to leave. I heard my daughter’s belly laugh, the one I haven’t heard since Disneyland as she went down the big, long, spiral tube slide. So cute!

 

After that they were in the best mood. My daughter was so spastic but in a non-annoying, very cute way. She was really sweet. My son was his even keel, pleasant self but happy and silly. We hit Taco Bell afterward and for a treat we went inside as opposed to the drive thru. Going inside is a fun, big deal for them. Just the 3 of us.

 

Later after I picked up my husband from wrestling club I dropped them all off at home and I went to a sweet lady’s house who’s teaching me to sew and finished my project I started last week. My first sewing project was a bag. I’m very proud of my little accomplishment. =)

 

No workout today, which is OK because I did workout yesterday and my legs really hurt today. I only ran a 1/2 mile yesterday and then stopped actually because I had to use the potty… uh… and then I was glad I did because my shins and lower legs were aching. So then I did a mild elliptical workout for 26ish minutes or so.

 

Today my legs ache and it’s a little discouraging. I’m hoping to get a run in tomorrow but kind of scared. They didn’t hurt at all for the 4 mile run and now they do. Maybe they are just sore from the run but gosh I’m wondering if my legs will ever just get used to running? I’d like to run 4x a week but I’m not sure if that’s going to happen.

 

So today was a fun, busy day. Oh and really cold. If I ever, ever get my camera fixed I’ll post a pic of my first sewing project.

 

Until next time.

A First January 25, 2009

Today I ran 4.1 miles in 45 minutes.  First time I’ve ran over 3.5 miles.  It felt so good.  It was a good run as opposed to a run where I felt tired the whole time.   I was really looking forward to this run but, as always, the closer it got I got nervous.  So weird.  I just have a little apprehension before every run now or even workouts sometime.  I wonder if that’ll go away?  But I’m feeling good for having run that today.  During my run I was thinking of when I was doing the couch to 5K running plan and when I was running 30 second increments.  It a good feeling knowing how far I’ve come.  Oh and a really good sign today was that my shins did NOT hurt at all.  Thank you Lord.   

 

So I was talking with my husband last night about running a race with me.  When he first said he would he said he’d run with me.  But I told him last night that I do want him to run the race with me but I want him to run his own pace.  I think mentally it would hinder me having him run at a snail’s pace next to me (it’d make me feel wimpy knowing he’s not even breaking a sweat).  But I’d love having him there doing his own thing and meet me at the finish line.    That way it’s a fun challenge for both of us too.  He can push himself and run as fast as he wants and see how well he does and me too. 

 

So right now our son is wrestling.  Haven’t heard yet how he’s doing.  Jake’s on call that’s why we can’t be there.  We’re getting ready to go to our home group (through church).  I always love home group.  And we’re having taco salads and I’m going to enjoy every single bite.  Ha ha. 

 

Onward!

Rambling On January 24, 2009

Not much new.  Been a little over come by cravings lately.  Yesterday I gave in and had Skittles and ice cream.  The ice cream hit the spot.  The skittles did not.  I also did not get a work out in.  :(  Oh well today was a new day and I’m doing ok today and plan on getting  a work out in tonight.

 

I definitely prefer running outside but haven’t been able to lately.  And I don’t run in the dark.  I’m too chicken.  I was telling my husband that I hate working out in the gym and he was like, “really?”–he’s a self-described gym rat.  He prefers the gym.  But I do it.   Tomorrow I’m supposed to run for 45 minutes.  I’m a little nervous for it but confidant I can do it.  I will do that outside hopefully in the morning sometime.  

 

I’m uncertain if I’ll sign up for the 2/1/09 3 mile race.  I’m super duper nervous.  The thought is really freaking me out.  So I may wait.  Jake said he’d run it with me but still.  My main deal is that I’m pretty sure I’ll come in near last, if not last…and that scares me.  I know I’ll feel good just finishing and running my first race and all but I’m having a mental block and not sure if I want to over come it right now.  

 

Working out is becoming something I look forward to.  I still don’t feel comfortable in the gym (doesn’t help living in a college town) but it’s really becoming a release to me.  I’m a normally anxious/depressive person and I’m finding getting a work out in is becoming a drug.  In a good natural way.   

 

In Whisfam news my son will be wrestling tomorrow.  We’re not actually going.  He’s going with his cousin.  I’m not sure why we’re not going–my husband must be busy (we communicate really well) but he’s going.  He’s spending the night tonight with him.  They’ll have a ball.

 

I went to book club today with 3 lovely friends.  We’re reading The Power of a Praying Parent.  I’m meeting with 3 women and between them they have 12 kids and one on the way.  And they all homeschool.  I have my itty bitty 2 kids and they’re in school.  But the diversity is good.  The kids range in age from almost 12 (Brooke correct me if I’m wrong) to 1.  So we all can glean from each other much wisdom, experience, and tips in addition to sharing struggles and joys, funny stories and prayers.  I’m looking forward to the weeks ahead.

 

So that’s all for now.  My brain isn’t thinking too much right now.  Until next time.

From Blah to Blessed in a Few Short Hours January 21, 2009

For most of the day being “blah” it sure ended on an upbeat positive note.  It didn’t start so blah.  After seeing my kids and husband off this morning I had coffee with a girlfriend of mine.  It was a pleasant time of catching up and drinking coffee.  But when I got home the blah cloud moved over my head and didn’t leave until my kids got home.  

 

All day I could fill anxiety building up inside of me.  My son has (had) a PILE of homework from being sick 2 days last week with the stomach flu.  When I try to work with me he’s a mess of tears and I’m a ball of anxiety which rapidly turns to anger.  But when my husband works with him something clicks and they get it done light years faster than I and my son can manage.  So my husband had said the night before that he’d work with him this evening.  I couldn’t wait.  I planned to get out of the house and go release my pent up frustrations at the gym on the treadmill.

 

And that I did.  I was looking forward to it all day.  Now that I workout more regularly it’s like my body is expecting it and looks forward to that release.  But as I walked towards the gym my enthusiasm waned and I muttered, “I hate running.”  Then I said, “no you don’t.”  I knew then I had a mental block to overcome during this workout.  

 

Today I started out with something new.  I warmed up with a slow jog instead of a walk.  And a quarter mile into it I was not wanting to do it.  But I told myself this is now when I must do it.  Just because, I don’t want to.  About 15 minutes into I finally felt better.  And when I was done I felt great.  Well I felt great about my workout but not about the way I looked.  When I workout my face gets red as a tomato and it’s very embarrassing to me.  But I knew that was another thing I had to push out of my mind and keep working out.  All in all I ran 2.5 miles and did the elliptical for 15 minutes.  

 

When I got home my son, thanks to my husband’s help, was almost done with his pile.  I couldn’t believe it.  That would’ve taken me days, literally.  I was so impressed.  And then it was such a clear picture to me of partnership in marriage in action.  It was an area that I just couldn’t do and Caed and I couldn’t do together as well as they could together.  But Jake and him could and they did.  For that I was so thankful.  I was proud of my son working so hard and my husband taking out the whole evening and motivating and encouraging my son through page after page.  

 

And last but not least….  I’ve lost 4 pounds altogether with 3.5 this week!  Today was my “weigh in”.  (I picked Biggest Loser days.) What a good feeling to finally see my hard work pay off.  And only 2 of that was stomach flu weight.  Ha ha.    

 

My day ended with my daughter reading to me, my son eating a chunk of corn bread and honey before bed, and my husband and I sitting here playing with our techy gadgets and winding down.  A great ending to a “blah” day.

Good Mood to Fired Up Mad in 3.1 Miles. January 20, 2009

This actually isn’t a running post.  I was being tricky with the title but it’s not entirely false.  Today started off great.  My husband –sweet guy that he is — encouraged me to sleep in.  He said he’d get the kids ready and take them to the bus.  Cool!  I wake up about 8:30 and pour me a bowl of cereal.  Cute, wordy, long story later, my husband walks in the living room and confesses he has the day off!  He asks me what kind of mocha I want and off he goes.  And to add to the good news (for us) the kids had school because they are making up snow days.  So we got the whole day to hang out together.  

 

Fast forward to 3:30pm.   I pick up the kids from the bus by myself.  We begin driving to ballet (here’s where the 3.1 miles comes in).  My daughter then remembers something she wanted to bring home to show me but left on the shelf above her coat… Not good.  I felt really bad for her because it was something she was so proud of.  But she wanted me to head back to the school to get it.  Well I couldn’t because we were headed to ballet and her school is 20 minutes away.  So instead of cry she throws an all out fit/tantrum/freak out!

 

I threaten no ballet.  She stops.  3.23 seconds later she revs the engines again.  I’m grasping here for anything, “Kenna it’ll be there tomorrow.  No one will take it the lost and found.  I’ll email your teacher.  You can bring it to me tomorrow.  Voice raising… I know you are sad but YOU DO NOT HAVE TO THROW A FIT.  THAT’S IT I’M PULLING OVER… NO BALLET!!!”

 

I pull over.  Kenna:  ”ok mama I’ll stop, I’ll stop, I’m sorry, one more chance.”  Actual silence.   Ok fine.  I pull out and head another .21 miles and Mt. St. Kenna blows.    

 

Me:  THAT’S IT!  NO BALLET!  WE’RE GOING HOME #$#%#$%#$%$# (not really but mad enough I could’ve).  My son is now crying in the back seat.  Caed:  ”We’ve never had this bad of a time before.”  Kenna (screaming/bawling):  I’m so sorry mommy, one more chance. NO. NO. NO.”  We turn around and go home.   And even though ballet is stinken expensive and she missed seeing her cousin.  I knew we had to do it.  

 

So we got home and the kids went in the house with Jake.  I sat on the porch and cried and breathed and tried to get my wits about me.   Later I went in and snuggled with my daughter and she calmed down.  We ate dinner, made some easy bake oven cookies.  And then they all went to scouts and I went to a sewing group.  Which was just what I needed to get my mind off things, unwind, and breath.  

 

And I almost finished a bag.

Something About A Blue Sky January 18, 2009

Yesterday we woke up to clear blue sky and white frosty trees. It was a site for sore, tired eyes. I woke up a smidgen grumpy and the portrait outside took it right away. Today we have the same blue sky minus the frost but it’s still captivating. There’s something about a blue sky that heightens the mood and fills me with energy.

It also makes me long for summertime and warmer weather. I’ve always been a webbed foot Oregonian, liking (sometimes loving) the rain but it seems the older I get my tolerance goes down by about a week every year. Meaning I long for warmer weather and blue skies earlier and earlier every year. My parents now go to Arizona every winter and I can finally see why they do. I think that’ll look really good when I’m 62.

Until then this blue sky will do. It’s a great reprieve from the dull gray, soggy rains, and frigid wintery mix we were getting. I’ll take it even if it’s not bringing the 75 degree weather with it.

Off to church!

Family Affair January 18, 2009

Today, as a family, we headed to the track for a family run.  My 8 year old boy and 6 year old girl hit the track with gusto.  It was sweet.  Now get this.  My son ran 2 miles and my daughter ran 1.  I was so proud of them.  My son was crying before lap 4 but my husband encouraged him and told him he could walk after 4 laps.  Well he ended up running all 8!   My daughter to no surprise ran the whole thing with a smile on her face.  It was like play time for her.  She had been looking forward to it all day.  After her four she played in the long jump sand while we finished up.

 

I was just glad I could join in.  I ran for 25 minutes today which turned out to be about 8 3/4 laps.  I averaged 11:15 minutes per mile.  One of these days I’ll hit 11.  But today I was so out of it.  No energy.  I just hadn’t ate enough the last 2 days I don’t think.  I had way more energy for the 2.94 miles I ran 2 days ago then the 2.whatever I ran today.  So I kind of made sure my stomach got full tonight.  … With a banana, cup of choc. milk, half hoagie sandwich, nibble of trail mix, a chip, and glass of wine.  Yeah baby!  

 

So right now I’m kicking back in my chair while my kids watch a movie and my husband plays Texas Hold Em with some guys from work.  And I’m really wishing I had a bowl of slow churn ice cream and chocolate syrup.  Instead I’m sipping on my diet cherry 7-up and thinking about popping in a piece of gum.  

 

(my daughter just told her brother she wants to go to the track park… ha ha)

Tired Thursday. January 16, 2009

Wow. What a day yesterday was. I ran the 2.94 miles yesterday full of energy but I think that energy came from not being sick because I was completely oblivious to the fact that I had got about 5 hours (or less) of sleep the night before. So the rest of the day I was toast. I think I was running on endorphins or adrenaline or something.

I went shopping yesterday for my kids and husband. I was hungry and decided to eat after shopping. By that time I had to pee really bad (tmi?) so I just decided to eat when I got home. By the time I got home I was famished. I was hungry and tired. I ate.

Then I had to get ready for my kids Christmas program that was cancelled back in December due to bad weather. I did. They got home, dressed and off we went to the program.

By this time my tiredness was really catching up to me. My eyes hurt, my body felt flu-ish, and I couldn’t focus on the kids up on the stage. I was existing. My eyes would tear up from the performance but I had to think bad thoughts so they wouldn’t because my eyes were not strong enough to handle tears at that point. I knew they probably swell up or go beet red or both. So I fought them off.

The program was super cute. A little side note here… The school my kids attend is a private school and in the past I’ve wanted them to go there because it aligns with our faith but the longer we’re there my reasons go a little further. It’s a special place. It’s no longer “I want my kids to go there because it’s a Christian school” but “I want my kids to go there because (in addition to) we love it.” The teachers sincerely care for our kids, God’s glorified, and it’s a sweet community. I don’t know how long we’ll attend there because of finances, but I’ve been blessed to be apart of it and to see the hearts of the teachers and administrators who work there everyday and truly care about our kids and their future and their relationship with God.

Ok…so where was I? So we get home. By this time I’m hungry (trying not to eat past 7pm) uber tired, and holding on my a thread. I hit the bed at 9 and what do you think? Fall fast asleep? Nope. Lay there, mind in over drive, thinking, looking through my eye lids, stomach growling. Eventually I got up, drank some milk and had a couple crackers. A little after that I went to sleep.

And now it’s Friday!! And almost noon so I need to get with it.