The last 3 days have been a hard lesson in mental strength for me. Since starting running last June I thought I’d gained some mental toughness. I sure did need it to push me through every run, some more than others. And I’m sure I have gained some—in fact I know I have. But since Sunday I’ve learned I haven’t been applying that mental strength to the other areas of my life.
The current poor economy is hitting many. And Sunday the reality of it came down on me. So far, praise God, my husband still has his job. It’s just that I feel trapped financially. Options are few and money’s tight. And the point of this post isn’t to go into detail about finances but actually what I did with the panic. I got so uptight and nervous, so filled with anxiety that I got sick to my stomach. Oh yah and I ate like it was going out of style.
Then Monday rolled around and I did OK. I bounced back a little. I even ran 2.6 miles. But today was a different story. Today I weighed in and gained 1.5 pounds. Not only that but my husband made me a little daily schedule to try and follow. That schedule along with 2 other responsibilities lurking in the back of my mind, and a certain decision weighing heavy on my shoulders sent me down a path I haven’t been on for about 3 years (let’s just say I have struggled with anxiety and depression in the past). Oh yah and I ate like it was going out of style.
When my sweet husband came home we talked. Basically he told me I wasn’t giving up. Tomorrow’s a new week and I’ll overcome and next Tuesday I’ll be so proud of myself. And that this whole 1.5 pound gain will turn out to be a good thing. I’ll show myself I can do it despite setbacks. Then he pointed out that I went into a tailspin because a little daily responsibility was put on my plate (the little schedule he gave me) and that I have to push through that. That I need that schedule so that at the end of every day I can look at what I accomplished and feel good.
In short, he didn’t let me off the hook and challenged me to overcome. I thought on that all night and I agreed. I also realized I need to pull out that “umph” that I use when I’m half way through my run and apply it to my daily life. The mundane, daily grind of dishes, laundry, and sweeping. The responsibilities of being a mom, friend, wife, church member, and human being. I realized my anxiety comes in because I try and convince myself that shirking it is easier than seeing it through when really shirking my responsibilities hurts my soul.
I’ve been learning how to use mental strength in my running…I’m now learning how to use it in my life. As with my runs some will be good feeling days and some will be hard to push through and that’s where the mental toughness will be tested. I don’t want a repeat of today’s anxiety attack ever again! Ever. Tomorrow my goal is to conquer the schedule, eat right, and get a run in—all before my kids come home from school. I’m pulling out the “umph”!
Side note: When I began running I loved it instantly. It was hard but I could push myself through it. I’d set a goal for a run and I’d do it. Nothing ever really has been like that in my life. Ever. Usually when the going gets tough, Kelli quits. I thought to myself, God’s allowing me to like this and pushing me through it for a reason. I’m learning those reasons every day. I believe my love of running is God given. I also believe that mental toughness, for me, includes driving out fear and lies in my head with the truth of God’s word. Not to mention a lot of “you can do it’s” and “you can’t stop” or “one foot in front of the other.” :)
Disclaimer: When I say I love to run by no means is it meant to say I’m a great runner. I just like putting on my shoes, plugging in my iPod and pushing myself a certain distance or a certain time. Usually 2.5-3.5 miles. Which is always a challenge for me but I see improvement every week.
OH MY GOSH I nearly forgot this ties right in with responsibility shirking. I had signed Jake and I up for a 5K in March. Today in my little fit I emailed the race peeps to cancel. But they didn’t allow refunds. Thank God! I told you it was a bad day.
